Alas. The countdown to the Old Legs Tour 2026 Vietnam to Vic Falls continues relentless. Having been joined by Alex Kirkman ex Norton and Kadoma, our team sheet for Vietnam is now full.
Somehow June the First has come and gone, and we now have just over 4 months until we start riding. 4 months might seem a lifetime to a toddler, but not so much to a cyclist with Vietnam and Vic Falls looming large on his horizon. The logistics on this one are huge. We have much to do, and little time.
Jenny and I have applied for our travel visas, fingers crossed. Even though the application process was painless, I almost incurred severe blood loss, when Jenny almost punched me in the nose, when she found out that Dutch passport holders don’t need visas, but Zimbabweans do.
We have tentatively booked our flights with Qatar, even though Qatar is in the war zone, because the only other option is Ethiopia, where I have been known to miss my flights, so Qatar it is. But to play safe, I will ask President Trump to fast forward his efforts to exit the war, thank you for your attention to this matter.
On Tour, we have to plan for all eventualities. Apparently, karaoke is a big thing in Vietnam. Never let it be said Old Legs aren’t competitive. Howard will handle lead vocals on the Redemption Song, but will leave Abba and, God forbid, Nancy Sinatra to Jenny, while Jonno will attend to Dire Straits, Macca to Bob Seger. Hanny will be lead vocals on any Dutch songs like Radar Love, while Alex will lip-sync to any self-improvement podcasts. Vicky will be strictly backup vocals. Because my voice sounds worse than my porridge tastes, I’m banned from singing, but will be allowed to play the air drums, provided I keep the noise down.
And when I’m not practising air drums, I’m working out exchange rates. According to my phone, there are 26344 Vietnamese Dong to the US Dollar, but just 25 Zimbabwean ZIG , so we should get 1000 Dong for our ZIG. We should get lots of bang for our Dong. Local beer is cheaper than water in Vietnam, 18000 Dong for a pint, which works out to 720 ZIG, which means we should be able to stay fully hydrated.
I’ve also commenced training on the bike, reluctantly, because it is a pain in the arse, pardon the pun, and I am currently suffering 100 km per week with a thousand meters of climb, with the emphasis on suffering.
I badly need some unfair advantages on the bike, so I’ve shaved all my hair off, to make my head more aerodynamic, despite the onset of winter, not that my fringe afforded me much warmth previously.
I’ve also added moringa to my daily morning porridge. Moringa contains more vitamins than the alphabet, it looks and tastes shit, so it must be good for me. And to further enhance performance, without running the risk of failing my urine tests, I am chasing my porridge with bucket loads of hydrolysate peptides and creatine monohydrates, which should also help me remember 1066 and the Battle of Hastings, and could make my lips look like Mick Jagger, apparently.
To recap our route, our 15 October start line is in the village of Ha Giang, north of Hanoi on the China border, and we will bumble generally south for 2200 kilometres and 23 ride days, apart from when we turn sharp right towards Cambodia to dodge the coastal typhoon season, before eventually popping out in Ho Chi Minh City, old Saigon, unless of course we get lost in Laos. And with Jenny, Vicky and my cousin Hanny sharing the navigator’s seat in the support van, the chances of that happening are fatter than slim.
When we get to Ho Chi Minh City, per kind favour of Qatar, we’ll uplift to skip out the boring stuff like Malaysia, Sumatra and the Indian Ocean, and then get back on the bikes in Bulawayo on 23 November, before heading north to our Vic Falls finish line.
In breaking good news, we’ve been granted permission to route through Hwange National Park and will ride with lions, buffalos, elephants, etcetera. Hwange is one of Africa’s most iconic wildlife reserves, and to experience the animals on mountain bikes will be next level epic. No disrespect whatsoever to Vietnam and her people, but already the legs through Hwange will be the absolute highlight of my Tour.
And in other breaking good news, we will be joined in Bulawayo by the Watermeyer brothers for the Vic Falls Legs. Alastair and Laurie were breastfed on adventure, and they are the stuff legends are made of.
We will also be joined by Dr Dixon Chibanda, the founder of the Friendship Bench. Dixon is one of my heroes, and it will be an honour and a privilege to ride with him, and also slightly annoying, should he ride faster than me, especially in Hwange when we are amongst the lions, buffalos, elephants, etcetera.
This will be our tenth Old Legs Tour. To celebrate two continents, we are riding in support of two very splendid charities, the beleaguered pensioners of Zimbabwe, and also the Friendship Bench, the mental health initiative which started in Zimbabwe, now creating safe spaces for vulnerable people in ten countries across the world.
Epic causes and epic adventures are deserving of epic support. Please be invited to advertise your company logo on the Old Legs Vietnam to Vic Falls ride jersey. Because we ride slow like paint dries, we can guarantee maximum brand exposure in Klong Klanh Village, Lam Dong Province (pop. 3507) and also Tsholotsho, Matabeleland North Province (pop. 115,782). Because the riders and support crew will pay their own way, as per always, every dollar pledged will go direct to the charities and will be used to save lives and change lives. Space is limited, especially on my jersey, because I am very skinny.
In closing, big shout outs to Round Table One for helping bash down pensioner Lynn M’s cottage in Tynwald so we can rebuild it at the Friend Animal Foundation’s new kennel site in Goromonzi, and to the Gift of Givers for their help with transport, and also the Friend Animal Foundation for giving Lynn and her animals a forever home. Thank you and God bless, and also Allah.
Until my next blog, have fun, do good, and do epic if you – Eric Chicken Legs de Jong.
* Names and images may have been changed for privacy reasons
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